tao1776

I had the vague feeling that I sold my soul to the devil this weekend. $$ is tight - no job in sight! I had a half a box of cheeze-its for supper the other night. Then, with only a few dollars in the pocket we did the deed. We bought double cheeseburgers at McDonalds. Then....to top off the weekend's evil, I applied for a job at Wal Mart. What does this all mean? Have I succumbed to the evils of corporate America? Have I entered there through the portal of poverty? I swore off Micky D's years ago. I shun Wal Mart as much as possible and would rather support the smaller guy as much as I can. Wal Mart has embodied corporate evil in many ways and their application process made me feel like I was signing up for the mark of the beast. You know, 666? After the initial application questions of name, address, blah, blah, blah, you have to answer approximately sixty four questions. You answer in the form of strongly agree to strongly disagree. Questions that appeared to weed out pot sm

It is hard for me to really take my recent setbacks seriously. I mean, I am in panic and depression. I have only enough money to pay November mortgage and a few other bills but no money for groceries. I have sent out many resumes. I have had interviews. I have been outright ignored due to the volume of applicants to any position listed. I am most often in two categories. Over or under qualified. My last position paid $27 her. Now, I have to skip a resume and dumb down an application just so that I can talk to someone. I acknowledge that I am freaked out. Usually, this in and of itself freaks me out because I am the cool one. The Master. Now, I am full of doubt and fear. In the grand scheme of things, it is silly to take my emotional state too seriously. Just turn on the news for thirty minutes. The cold, the hunger, the sickness, the death and destruction, due to war, earthquake or hurricane, is greater than what I am experiencing. I can only guess at their suffering....

traditionally, when you train to fight right handers it throws you off when your opponent suddenly goes southpaw. To expect the unexpected is not wise and only makes for an underlying tension. Those that are aware of the changes in nature know that when the silver underside of the leaves on the tree show themselves, rain is approaching. When the spring peepers go suddenly silent, something is wandering close by. So, although it came as no surprise, the change walked forward as expected and stood there. Since the nature of change is to well, change, it was more than uncomfortable when it continued to loom as large as a mountain. Change can be as the minutes on a clock; the weather from day to day, or as the movement of a glacier. The rate of change may vary but change is constant. My practice has taught me to examine, to note, to withhold judgment as to whether it is good, bad or neutral. I have come to expect that the cycle of change is such that you can observe it. But what if it rema

The birthday party was a huge success. You only turn one once. In this incarnation at least. The circle of life was well represented today. My daughter holding a birthday party for her daughter. My daughter's friends were present, as well as their kids too. Reminded me of the not too distant past when I held my daughter's birthday party with my friends and their kids. To see all the young twenty something parents and all the little kids running round was fun. We have our kids and the do the best for them. Sacrifice to have them well taken care of. But kids have their own fate; destiny, their own little souls or essense. For all our effort, what will be will be....and that can be a hard lesson to learn. We never give up. The Lady, when she worked with the elderly, would often remind herself when a patient was crass or disruptive, that they were once somebody's child. They were loved and cared for...or at least you hope so, as it was not always the case. But usually, there w

Just a good deal of frustration lately. Job hunting is going poorly. There hasn't been a paycheck in two months. $$ getting scarce. To top it off...I gave my oldest son an ultimatum on mid week. Hospital/rehab or out. He has been clean of heroin for several years. Things have been tough as he has Bi Polar and is taking interferon for Hep-C. Recently it became apparent that there were several indicators of possible drug use. We danced around it for several months. He has never been a thief. When things turned up missing, a little detective work found his fence. The dance had to stop. He moved out. I belong to a Cyber Sangha. My frustrations and anger have led to a need for some guidance, feedback...or something. Their response has been more the cult of personality and the realization that I need a teacher close to home. Those that are closer to Buddha-hood, enlightenment or whatever....are less likely to show up on a cyber Sangha and jostle at the trough to be heard and seen as

One year ago today....Brielle was born and I bought the Ghia. A most memorable day!!!!!

Seven things I want to do before I die: 1) Travel overseas 2) Have enough money so as not to be always behind the eight ball 3) Master Chi Gung 4) Have a week of exhausting great sex in a posh hotel 5) Find a fulfilling job 6) Publish a book 7) See all my kids safe and healthy Seven Things I can do: 1) Meditate 2) See full spectrum of color differences by eye equal to De=.25 3) Mediate 4) Drink 5)Smoke a Pipe 6) Eat too much 7) speak little Seven things I cannot do: 1) Play Guitar well 2) Play Bohdran well 3) Sing well 4) Get more than 85% healthy 5) Find a Fucking job.... 6) Lose the hidden chip on my shoulder 7) Date Kelly Monaco Seven things I say a lot : 1) Fuck! 2) God Dammit! 3) Sigh 4) The bottom line is.... 5) What tha fuck! 6) Dick head! 7) Man! Seven things I find attractive in a female: 1)Red hair 2) Green eyes 3) Likes to laugh 4) Big boobs 5) Little boobs 6) Pick up trucks 7) Jeans and shit kickers, play fiddle or cello Seven celebrity crushes 1) Patty Griffin 2) Julianne

New England autumn moon waxing, wanes... Seen by countless generations. So many before me, so many after me. The moon still shines, waxes, wanes.

A Master and disciple are sitting next to a flowing river... Disciple: Master, I do not understand why life can't be full of happiness at all times. Master: What is troubling you? Disciple: Conflicts, conflicts, conflicts. There are just so many of them in my life. Master: Who is causing the conflicts? Disciple: I don't know. I learned that the first step in changing others is to change myself, but you can't keep giving in all the time right? Master: Conflicts are inevitable. No two personalities are alike, there are bound to be differences. It's what you do with the differences that determine whether you are happy or miserable. Disciple: I do not understand master. How can two people who disagree on something make each other happy? What do you do when you have differences with another person? What if my happiness is dependent on someone being wrong and me being right? Master: As you travel your journey through life, there are bound to be those you meet who are in tears

http://www.wimp.com/yoga/

Krishnamurti showed that all people who seem to be very good and have the highest ideals are really motivated by the same sort of desires as people who rob banks.Only they give their desires a more noble name, so as to better conceal them.(Alan Watts) For some unknown reason, I had a rather Zen approach or understanding to the Bible, especially when it came to the Gospels when I was studying to be it's minister. It created a good deal of difficulty for me as I intuitively understood the spirit of the law and not the letter of the law in much of what I read and applied. Fundamentalists need to be able to fit everything into a tightly knit box and back it up with passages from the Bible. In the time of Jesus, this was also the case as the Pharisees and the Sadducees held strictly to the letter of the law and saw it as blasphemy to do anything less. I recall the religious pride held by those that seemed to separate themselves from the world all the while preaching Jesus and God's

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Its hard to believe that another year has passed so quickly. This was one year ago. The company you see here no longer exists in that location. This was last years pumpkin. .............And yet, so much has remained the same.

http://www.duckdaotsu.org/rows.html April 25, 2004 OP-ED COLUMNIST The Orwellian Olsens By MAUREEN DOWD WASHINGTON It's their reality. We just live and die in it. In Bushworld, our troops go to war and get killed, but you never see the bodies coming home. In Bushworld, flag-draped remains of the fallen are important to revere and show the nation, but only in political ads hawking the president's leadership against terror. In Bushworld, we can create an exciting Iraqi democracy as long as it doesn't control its own military, pass any laws or have any power. In Bushworld, we can win over Falluja by bulldozing it. In Bushworld, it was worth going to war so Iraqis can express their feelings ("Down With America!") without having their tongues cut out, although we cannot yet allow them to express intemperate feelings in newspapers ("Down With America!") without shutting them down. In Bushworld, it's fine to take $700 million that Congress provided for the

This is the site of many hours of contemplation for Tao1776. Whether reading, smoking my pipe, enjoying a scotch, I have spent many hours into the wee dawn, sitting, watching. I recently focused on the thoughts that have occupied my mind as of late. It is easy to grab on to them and focus on them as they fill the mind with clamour. There has been an incredible amount of thought centered on self loathing, self doubt. I wonder about this sense of mystical thinking that I had picked up over the years. Like some grand plan was going to spring into action and save me from the demise of being 51, over or under qualified and almost broke. I am beginning to think that I may be working at McDonalds & Wal Mart to make ends meet. I plan on applying on Monday unless some miracle appears. And why should it? Not to count out the benefits of contemplation, but if my mind is ill filled with loathing & depression, how can ill mind, heal mind? Contemplation has its drawbacks. ....Meditation,

The Lady creates 

The colors say it all 

Celebrating Autumn 

1st Hmmmmmm - 2nd Hmmmmmmmmmm - 3rd Hmmmmmmmmm I had listened to the car shift gears too many times to count. I congratulated myself for getting the timing down so accurately. His change and his keys would jingle as he headed down the stairs each morning at 4:30 a.m. Fifteen minutes later he was in his car and heading off to work. 1st - 2nd - 3rd. I wondered who this man was. Aloof and distant except when he needed to assert himself as the disciplinarian, he never missed a day of work. He often worked two jobs. He had his own chair before the t.v. that no one could sit in when he was home. A WWII P.O.W. he had a few friends with whom he would go to the VFW or the American Legion with. Most of his leisure time was sitting alone in the basement on hot summer days. Watching t.v. Home repairs. He was married going into the war. He divorced when he returned home to find that she had a baby that biologically couldn't possibly be his. A sister had also been murdered. His father was an alc

Regardless of arguments we have had with friends or enemies, the ecstacy of love, the pain of tragedy; time passes. The moon waxes, wanes, and waxes once again. The seasons change, the suns rises and sets again. We are witnesses to birth and to death, time passes. So why do we cling so tightly to that which is never the same moment to moment? Enjoy, yes! Love, yes! Grieve, yes! Say yes to change because time passes.

In the beginning, acid was fun. Soon, choc mesc and orange sunshine grew into eight way and blotter acid and casualities quickly began to appear. Those that continued with its use became the jesters of the group as their thoughts and speech mimiced a bad Cheech and Chong movie. As drug use began to become more diverse with the addition of coke, rocket fuel and opium,some just held fast to marijuana use while some returned to their parents liquid drug of choice The one clear goal shared by all was just getting fucked up. By high school's end, G crashed his bicycle and died of head injuries while S crashed his Honda 175 into a tree and died on the spot. After a big house party where C won the full pot after a night of poker, turned up murdered two weeks later. W left the same party and crashed his vette never getting out of 2nd gear, also dying on the spot. P & H hit a tree killing O and leaving P with the brain of an eight year old. JM shot himself. SL also shot himself. P hung

It is difficult to feel bad about no money, no job, and the lack of career direction when so much of the world is steeped in war, famine and the struggle to survive. I remember counseling someone who was in my situation some ten + years ago. I felt it important for her to realize that once she did return to work, it would be a matter of months back to work and then she would feel as though all her time off never existed. In other words, enjoy it while she could because she would find a job. It just doesn't always happen as quickly as we would like. We may not find the ideal job. But we will eventually work ourselves back to where we once were...or at least close to it, possibly something better! I have failed in that! Mr. I got it all together, has been frazzled. Disgusting!

things are not always as they appear....